Mediate! How? I don’t trust the Bastard!!!

Mediate! How? I don’t trust the Bastard!!!

Mediate! How? I don’t trust the Bastard!!!

Mediation is not about trust but more about understanding betrayal.

Relationships, whether it be in our personal life or our employment and business activities; when it all goes south, how do we approach resolution when we are feeling so hurt and vengeful? How can we get what we consider to be a just result in the circumstances?

Emotional stress erodes our being until we self-doubt and our self-respect seems to be travelling on a different bus. Some of us urge Karma to find the solution. Some bargain with God and/or a less pure entity, but at the end of the day we want it over: EXCISED FROM OUR LIVES; BUT HOW?

Mediation is not about finding the middle ground for the sake of it. True mediation is about the resolution of your matter. The difference is, if you resolve an issue, you feel that your worries and concerns as to why you have taken the position that you have, have been listened to by the other party or parties. In mediation you may not be accepting the other party outright, but you are left with the sense that the other side wants to work towards settlement with your goals in mind.

Similarly, the other side wants you to understand their concerns and why they are acting in the manner they have chosen. A resolution or settlement also encompasses their situation.

The process does not start from the position of money, children, or why you made choices in your employment or business. It involves appreciating the dilemma each of you are in and why each of you are responding the way you are.

You must want to mediate to have any chance of success. Saying this is our legal position and I know we will win, is akin to the favourite winning the race because it is the favourite.

In a mediation which involves parenting issues, there is also the need to avoid the polarisation of the parents so that future communication may occur for the children. Similarly, commercial mediations involve parties not wanting to sever the commercial relationship which has been ongoing for some time.

So, do we have to trust the other party? No.

Do we have to understand why certain actions were taken by the other party? Yes!

Being part of our society, by its very nature, involves conflict. Working through disappointment and hurt is the true skill of living. My best advice when you engage a professional to conduct your mediation is to ask them whether they are going to assist you in resolving your differences or are they just building your defences for a prolonged siege.

Not all matters are able to settle through mediation but, if both parties are willing and want it to happen, then the only issue will be how to resolve the problem, not why it didn’t resolve.

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Wednesday, 11 December 2019